Serenity of an Ex-Pat

Today is a culture shock day. Actually, it's a little bit of a culture shock week. Step one is now complete! I have recognised why I feel like crap and will now work it out through writing. Here we go...

Even for us non-religious types, now is a good time to remember the serenity prayer:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

The only problem here is that you're not asking for the "intelligence" or "common sense" to know the difference between the changeable and unchangeable. You are asking for wisdom; something that comes with time and experience. And while many things are universal, many things that you don't think of are not, and your wisdom isn't always transferable. In a new culture, all that "wisdom" you have stored to deal with everyday annoyances gets challenged in ways that are not just difficult but seem ridiculous as a way to be challenged. It's like telling a runner, "Ok, you know we're going to make your hurtles higher, but we're also making them 'S' shaped with a pit of pickles on the other side." Yes, people will be speaking a different language, staring at you, and offering you food that you would prefer to eat blindfolded. But why can't you find painkillers at the convenience store, why aren't the trash bags with all the cleaning supplies in the grocery store like they're supposed to be, and why is the naked pow-wow of old women eating hard-boiled eggs in the locker room?!?

Most of those things actually refer to stuff I dealt with in Korea. I am in Hong Kong now which is a huge step towards the Western world compared to where I was before. But even though most people speak English and I'm not the only white person the locals have seen this month (in fact, the "locals" here are often white), I am still in a new culture and am therefore occasionally still shocked. And even though this is my third foreign country and am working on four years of experience in new cultures, I still don't handle the culture shock all that well.

Yesterday was my day off. I was tired and wanted to relax around my apartment, watch TV on my computer and celebrate my new refrigerator by cooking some dishes I wouldn't have to throw away when there were leftovers. Mission accomplished; I cooked, I watched, I relaxed, and I didn't leave the apartment. This is a bad move. Staring at a screen all day in a sealed apartment will give you a headache. Hong Kong extreme pressure systems, pollution, and the jack hammer in my office building that followed me from classroom to classroom the next day don't make headaches any better. When you're at home, you know where to go to get headache medicine (assuming you don't already have some at home like you should) and you know which kind to take based on years of experience and your mom telling you, "No, take the other one, you haven't had any food and that's more for sinus pain." You are wise and know how to take care of yourself.

But the headache came on too late last night and I didn't know if anything close would be open. I didn't have any on hand because when you move from one country to another, you don't rent a U-haul; you take your clothes, a few reminders of home, and pray you don't get charged for excess baggage. So instead of finding pain killers, I just ignored it and went to sleep. Here is one of those wisdoms that actually is universal: If you ignore a problem, it just comes back a bigger pain then before. Not only did I wake up with the same headache, but now I have to get ready for the day and try to find a place that sells pain killers before going to work. I found some but they weren't so much the best painkillers for the job, but the box with the most English that fit the profile. I made it over the 'S' hurtle but definitely stepped in the pickles.

Case in point number 2 for "don't ignore a problem you would normally fix with ease" is my dead roommate, Mr. Flying Cockroach. A few days ago I saw my first cockroach inside my apartment. Very common in Hong Kong but I decided to ignore that it would be a problem for me. I was debated on trying to kill it--even though it was high enough to fall on my head if I hit it wrong--when it took off flying and did a little spin around the room before landing in the same spot. That was it, too new, too foreign, close the door, pillows to seal the bottom, he'll be gone by morning. And he was. I whipped up some homemade roach killer and set it in the room, but that was the only proactive thing I did to get rid of him.

So, as my headache is really taking shape last night while video-chatting with my mom (from staring at the screen more, I love you Mom!), my lazy-ass method of dealing with something I don't want to learn to deal with comes back to attack me, literally. I almost gave my mom a heart-attack when I look off to a part of the room she can't see and start screaming bloody-murder. Mr. Flying Cockroach has decided that he wants to leave his room and share in the common area and is now flying at my head. Once I tell Mom that I am not being attacked by a home invader, I look back to see that my scream has sent him back in the room. This time, I even do a half-ass job of ignoring him. I closed the door but didn't put the pillows at the bottom. Five minutes later, Mom is asking why I'm screaming again as he comes in from under the door. I, of course, fly to the other side of the room, determined not to hang out with my new roommate. But he's headed for my bedroom, this guy has balls. Mom is still on skype giving me helpful advice like, "Kill it, KILL IT!" or telling me I should spray him with roach killer I don't have because I was in denial that I would even have roaches, let alone ones that fly and want to hang out with me. I finally work up the adrenaline to attack him and after after 5 minutes of failed tennis shoe torpedoes and discombobulating whacks with a broom ("Kill it, KILL IT!"), I finally hit him a few times with the hard part of the broom and take him directly to the hallway trash. RIP Mr. Flying Cockroach.

I'm too tired and already have enough of a headache that I won't prepare myself lunch for tomorrow (more ignoring), go to bed, and wake up with my still present headache and no medicine. I pick up my mail, a beautiful announcement for my friend's wedding that I can't attend back home. I get to work and the jack hammer follows me from room to room until I decide to have lunch early to run errands. Errands that I can't run because I left my ATM card at home. And since I didn't make lunch, I need spend what little cash I have on lunch. All pretty menial stuff that adds up to a stressful couple days in a foreign environment. So now I propose the Ex-Pat's Serenity Poem with apologies to whoever wrote the first one:

I must find the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Wisdom to see the things that I can change,
and the Courage to learn the difference all over again.